The Joe Chronicles: “The Honk”

This entry was posted on Jun 29 2010

June 28, 2010

There I was, folks. Sitting on the LIRR, just moments away from reaching my destination, when destiny called. I stood up from my seat and gathered my belongings, waiting while the blond woman in front of me stepped out into the aisle. That’s when it happened. The woman had left her book, a paperback, resting in the seat. I knew what I had to do, but there was an obstacle. A man, approaching the seat! I said to myself, if he steals this moment from me, it’ll be the last thing he ever does. He resists, simply taking the discarded newspaper off the seat, clearly illiterate, probably only taking the paper for the pictures. Being the avid book enthusiast I am, I grabbed the paperback and rushed to reach the woman. Subtly drifting the book into her line of vision, I ask, “This isn’t yours, is it?” There I waited my friends, for what would surely be a jovial expression of relief and certainly, she’d honk my dick.

“Oh, thanks.”

That was it? That was the big “thank you” I was preparing myself for? I looked like a fucking fool! As I walked back to my place in line, in disbelief she didn’t honk my dick in jubilee, I’m sure I was one man smirk. I read his expression perfectly. “I bet you don’t even have a dick to honk, you tool.” I seethed as my humiliation grew. If I had left my book on the train, my day would be ruined. I’d never recover! I wouldn’t let myself recover! I’d cut my thighs and blame my parents! And if someone would have stopped me before my car pulled away, dripping in sweat having chased me down, the LEAST I could do would be to honk whatever sexual organ their gender made available. Hell, if it had been a transvestite I’d honk everything at the same time! Thanks?

I don’t ask for much from this society. Scratch that, maybe I ask for a lot, but still, give me a proper “thank you” when I save your day, people! It was one of those stupid supernatural porn books, too. You know, the ones all your mothers read to get wet before your father gets home? The cover has a shirtless werewolf holding some whore in his arms, his long hair waving in the breeze, his obvious erection bursting from the seams. Barnes and Noble wouldn’t make a very nice quarterly profit if the they replaced the “Erotic Fantasy” sign with “Porn”, would they? Listen up, you ungrateful slobs, next time someone does you a solid, honk ‘em! Alright?! Pay it forward!

- Jobalak

One Response to “The Joe Chronicles: “The Honk””

  1. I’ll honk your dick.

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