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It’s time to end cruel and unusual punishment!

This entry was posted on Jul 20 2010

Have you ever gotten into your car drunk? Remember the first time you stabbed two people to death? Remember the summer you spent raising and training those dogs to kill each other? If you are an average man or woman living in America than chances are that the answer is yes to one or all of these questions. Now what if I told you that your rights and freedoms were being taken away? What if I told you that you that the next time you committed armed robbery in Las Vegas you would be sentenced to 33 years in prison? You would probably say to me: “Frank, we live in America. Things like this can’t happen.” Well guess again. The constitution has been torn up and thrown out the window!

Lindsay Lohan has just been sentenced to 90 days in jail. What were the charges you ask? They claim she drove her car drunk. I know. Like, come on. They say that she could have killed someone. But who is out that late at night anyway?Ne0-nazi’s or radioactive werewolves and if she had hit and killed one of them she would have done her community a service. Now on the off chance that she did hit an “innocent” such as a mother and her baby… again what is a mother and her baby doing out of the home that late at night? What self respecting man would allow his woman and child to roam the streets at night. Clearly he is dead and they killed him and are now searching the streets for crack-cocaine. Listen the point is that anything she did would have been justified because she’s famous and hot. So who cares? 90 days in jail is just crazy. It’s cruel. Our constitution used to protect us from these things. Thankfully Lindsay is resilient and prison is only making her even more cool and more hot.  She is taking everything our injustice system is throwing at her and just becoming a hotter and even more talented bitch. Personally this whole ordeal is turning me on. She is a bad bad girl fighting the system that tries to oppress her. Chained at the ankles she is determined to drink, drive, and party her way to an early grave! And boy does that turn me on!

Lindsay is just the latest victim of our perverted justice system. Ever since OJ Simpson was rightfully acquitted of “killing” two people. The system has been out to get him in order to make some sick point about it not being cool to stab people to death or something. It’s my theory that the system gave Mr. Cochran (one of the finest American’s to ever live) a brain tumor which ultimately lead to his demise. Now without Johnnie around to defend him a beautiful and innocent OJ Simpson was sent to prison for armed robbery, whatever that is. Now the man who once warmed America’s heart by butchering a couple of jerks is sitting in… prison.  Not even a normal prison. This prison only has a nine hole golf course. It’s really more of a pitch and putt. Without even a driving range or a putting green how is he supposed to be able to work on his game? The food? The prison is only catered by Red Lobster. Red Lobster is good. But every night? SEAFOOD EVERYNIGHT?!! Cruel. Unusual.

Or what about Michael Vick? He strangles and electrocutes a couple of dogs and sets up and funds an illegal betting ring and what does the government do? Prison. Was there ever going to be any other answer to that question? This is the go to punishment for our injustice system it’s blunt tool for beating down the cool and sexy. He gave a couple of dogs the opportunity of a life time to compete to the death and become champions like Michael himself. That makes him a dog lover! And now Michael is only a back-up quarterback for the issues and he has been forced to give up his life-long passion of killing dogs. The only animals he can force to kill each other now are turtles and there ain’t no money in that!

America! Stop putting our coolest and sexiest people down. This isn’t soviet Russia. This is used to be the land where the cool, sexy, rich, and strong could walk all over the poor, down trodden, pathetic, average man and woman. Not anymore. We must come together to put an end to this reign of terror. Let Lindsay’s 90 days of pure hell be our last straw! Lindsay will be our martyr! She is going to jail so that one day we won’t have to! She is going to jail for our sins! She is the messiah! 90 days from now she will rise again! She will leave her(really hot) ankle shackles behind and party harder than ever! For us!

—- Frankalank

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