On the subject of public urination.

This entry was posted on Aug 15 2010

Peeing in public has long been one of my favorite pastimes. Now for those that don’t know me, I’m not talking about peeing in a public bathroom that’s for herbs. Bathrooms are dirty and disgusting and anytime I can avoid them I do. I enjoy relieving my bladder out in the open. I find the open space liberating and the feel of a strong breeze on my penis as it gushes out warm urine to be invigorating. I don’t do it for the glory or because the ladies love it (and they do). I do it because it puts me it peace. Typically I don’t pee right in front of people. I’m not an exhibitionist. I will go off to a corner of whatever parking lot we are in or at least the other side of a car and pee there. If anyone wants to watch they are welcome to do so. I know that there will always be discrimination. Not everyone will understand what this is about. The same way blacks were enslaved and discriminated against in this country; people who choose to urinate in the open are discriminated against. They attempt to enslave us by giving us only one acceptable place to pee, the bathroom. But just as the Jews have preserved for thousands of years even surviving evils such as the Holocaust; we survive and persist and refuse to give up our beliefs, rights, and freedoms.

"Let the world urinate together." -- Frank, January 10th 2010

Now why am I telling you this? Because there are people out there giving public urination a bad name. There are people that do it for the wrong reasons. It’s not about the glory, money, or women. But to some misguided people it is and that’s the problem.

Last night I arrived with Joe to a party. We parked the car outside in front of this person’s house. It was private property. As we were doing so there were also other people doing the same thing. I get out of the car and begin walking towards the house when I hear Joe announce to everyone in the street (approximately 8 people) “hey everybody come check this out. I’m peeing on this guys front lawn.” Of course people crowded around him and cheered him on as he relieved himself on some poor man’s front lawn. It was disgusting. After the spectacle was over I asked Joe in private why he couldn’t have peed in the street and why he needed to call all these people over to watch him and he said to me very coldly “I wanted the attention and having them see my dick turned me on.”  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was in shock. Never before had I seen my friend in this light. The only thing I could do was go to the party and try to forget this ever happened. But fate had other plans for that summer night. It is not cool to pee on private property for sport. I only condone it if there is no other choice. When I pee out in the open it is always in the woods or in a parking lot of a big business type corporation, because I want to stick it to the man. There is a purity to everything I do. But pure was the furthest thing from Joe’s intentions that night.

"I just want to pee here peacefully" -- Frank, March 6th 2010

About 30 minutes into the party (which was taking place in the backyard of this elderly man’s house) and only a couple beers in Joe once again had the urge to pee. And once again he was intent on making himself a star. In the middle of the crowded patio Joe unzips his pants and yells “hey everyone check this out! No hands!” The urine is coming out strong and hard and is spraying everywhere. Joe just places his hands behind his head and soaks in the attention. This time everyone is disgusted. The first time was funny but the second time was just disrespectful. 45 seconds later when the wild stream finally stops and everyone is surveying the damage, things get ugly. Joe’s wild stream landed in the guest of honors birthday cake and soaked three peoples jeans. I had to step in and keep an angry guy from punching Joe in the face. Disgust was now the running theme for this party. I advised Joe and his girlfriend to go take a break from the party out in the front and went to work on damage control. I explained that Joe’s behavior was very erratic tonight and not typical at all. I pleaded for their understanding and pleaded with the party goers to open their hearts and forgive Joe. After some time passed they did. They were ready to welcome him back and forgive him for his transgressions.

I called Joe back to the party hoping to start this night anew. He strolls back around the side of the house and immediately I knew I had made a mistake. The fly of his khaki cargo shorts was zipped down and his penis was poking out flapping in the wind. A girl dropped her glass of wine in shock. The entire crowd was mortified. Joe chose this moment to announce that he had urinated all over the elderly man’s front door and all over the door handle specifically. He then called him an “old piece of shit” and shoved him down a short flight of steps. The elderly man began to weep and that was when I knew it was time to leave.

On the ride home I made Joe pull over and I asked him what got into him tonight. Joe used to be militantly against me peeing out in the open and in public places. He used to call it barbaric and disgusting. What he told me hurt me like I’ve never been hurt before. Joe told me that he was jealous of how popular peeing in public had made me. He told me that he envy’d all the girls that my public peeing exploits got me. I told him “hey man you’ve got a wonderful girlfriend who loves you very much and who you love equally as much. That should be enough for you.” And that’s when he burst out in tears. “But you can have any woman you want! Men and women all over the world adore you. I constantly overhear people talking about how you remind them of a young James Dean with George Clooney’s hair.” He confessed to me that he had spoken out against my public urination because inside he knew that he could never be half the man I was. I was torn up inside. I told him that he didn’t have to live up to me. I explained to him that peeing in public didn’t make me the person I was. It was just something I did. I did it because I loved it, not to impress people, and that was why people respected me for it. I told him “so what if you are half the man I am, that’s one hell of a half a man.” We both cried together and I made him promise never to try to live up to me again. I told him that if he wanted to pee in public I could show him the ropes but he had to stop trying to be me. He agreed to take a break from it all. All in all it was a great night despite the party, because I fixed everything that was wrong with Joe. Joe may have ruined the party (and not only for me but for everyone) but he found himself that night. And I was his sherpa, guiding him along his Journey. It was the least I could do.

One of Frank's finest achievements. --- Jefferson Memorial Park, May 21st 2010

I wrote this today for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted to explain a way of life to a world that hasn’t yet accepted it fully. I wanted people to know that although money, women, and fame come with the territory of peeing out in public; thats not why I and so many other people do it. I live life to the fullest and just like Martin Luther King Jr, Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, and many other great men, I just want to make life better for others. That’s the reason why many people choose to compare me to those other equally great men and all agree that I’m much better looking. But most importantly I wanted to explain Joe’s actions. I didn’t want people to judge him as a man based on one night. People didn’t see the real Joe that night. But one day they will… when he is ready.

Like other great men. Frank fights for our freedom.

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