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Wyclef wouldn’t be a real president… but Haiti isn’t a real country.

This entry was posted on Aug 08 2010

Wyclef Jean is running for the presidency of an entire country… that’s right. The R&B pop star most famous for being a member of The Fugees (who were awesome by the way) wants to become the president of Haiti.  On the surface this seems like a terrible idea for a number of reasons.

Wyclef taking a photo with his future cabinet.

1)       He has no leadership skills.

While I’m sure it would be cool for the people in Haiti to get free performances every weekend and while I’m sure he could probably write them the hippest national anthem…  a third world country that has been ravaged by a natural disaster probably needs more then to be entertained. They probably want things like food, water, and a stable government infrastructure. Why anyone would believe that he is capable of providing that is beyond me.

2)      He isn’t overly intelligent.

He is a college drop out. He dropped out of Eastern Nazarene College. I’m sure you’ve never heard of it. You know why? Because it’s a shitty school. So he couldn’t figure out how to graduate from some half rate school but wants to run an entire country… what? Now I know that he returned to school Berklee in Boston in 2009 for a degree in music and song writing, which is commendable. I always support the idea of getting an education. But if his goal was to one day run a country, wouldn’t he be better off learning about history and political science… or I don’t know? Anything except music? Jesus Christ! How about learning about ANYTHING that could help you run a country? But see that would require him doing work. Being who he is and going for a music major, he isn’t going to have to do a lick of real work to get that degree. He is Wyclef Jean… he was in the Fugees. As if anyone will fail him. If some professor does try to. Wyclef will have that person kneel down, then he will put Dre Beats head phones on them, then he will play “The Carnival” on his I-pod for them as he gently places his cock in their mouths.  He will show up to the school maybe twice and get A’s and that school will forever brag that Wyclef Jean was a graduate of their “prestigious school.”  So in his case his pursuit of a degree doesn’t mean much.

3)      He can’t even lead his own corporation much less a country.

Ummm the bank owns the guy’s house. That’s right. He failed to repay the mortgage. He and his friends owed the bank about 2.4 million dollars. He couldn’t even manage his own money and not lose a $1.4 million dollar house… but he will be able to understand the finances of a entire country. Hmmmm. Wow it can’t get much worse then that huh? Well hold on. He is now reportedly in hot water with the foundation he started in 2005 called the Yéle Haiti Foundation. This is from wikipedia because I don’t care and I’m not a fucking journalist. So to anyone whining like those starving Haitian bitches, you can shut the fuck up:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/wyclef-jean-charitys-funny-money

“Much of Yéle Haiti’s money has been paid out to Wyclef Jean, his relative and fellow Yéle Haiti director Jerry Duplessis, or companies they own. For example, of the $1,142,944 in total revenue the foundation collected in 2006, at least $410,000 was paid directly to Jean and his business partner for rent, production services, and Jean’s appearance at a benefit concert.[21] The Foundation paid $250,000 to Telemax, a television station controlled by Jean and Duplessis, $31,000 to rent its own offices from Platinum Sound owned by Jean and Duplessis,[22] and $100,000 for Jean’s own performance at a benefit concert in Monaco, when Jean had been paid only $40,000 as headliner at 2002 festival at the top of his career with the Fugees.”

Also from Wiki:

“On 4 August 2010, The Smoking Gun reported that Jean owes the IRS $2.1 million.”

Now that’s journalism for ya! But honestly that’s very believable to me. Dumb celebrities are often bad with money (If Nicholas Cage who was in FACE/OFF! Can be on verge of losing all of his houses then so can this guy) and just because he can write a melody doesn’t mean that he isn’t a piece of shit that would use a charitable foundation as a way to scam money out of people, especially when it sounds like he needed it.

How can one of the men who starred in Face/Off be going bankrupt?

But none of that matters because he is a celebrity.  So why not? He’ll probably get voted in and he will probably run that country further into the ground (if that’s even possible). And you know what I say to that? Cool.

It’s Haiti… who gives a shit. That country doesn’t even count.  That was a shit country before the earthquake and it still is. It wasn’t even a cool tourist attraction. If Bermuda got hit with a devastating earthquake then we’d have an issue. Because that’s just an awesome vacation spot. I really recommend it. But none of us were ever going to Haiti. Their issues over there aren’t effecting my Fios TV/Internet service (which is awesome) so I don’t care. Shut up and stop whining. I stubbed my toe last week. Guess what? I got over it. It probably wasn’t even that bad of an earthquake too. I mean half their houses are made of fucking mud. No shit the buildings went down. Next time build with concrete. If we got that same earthquake in America… maybe a mailbox goes down, but probably not because we use quality mailboxes in this country. They probably don’t even know what mail is. You have to be able to write to send mail. In fact the tents they are living in now are probably upgrades. And now the kids playing in the rubble probably have cool shit like sharp pieces of metal to play with too.

They can't be playing much soccer... I don't exactly remember seeing Haiti in the World Cup, ya know what I mean?

The point is. Who gives a shit. It’s Haiti. Stop pretending like you care. Lets just make a big bowl of popcorn and watch that country implode under his leadership. In fact he’ll probably get a VH1 reality show out of it. He still owes our government and our banks a lot of money… so he could use the money.  The only thing to be pissed about is if you gave money to some Haiti relief charity. You probably wouldn’t have done it if you knew this guy was going to take over and spend your money on a sweet ass recording studio. The cool thing for America is that if we pay him enough money he’ll probably let us test out our newest weapons over there. That would actually be a great use for Haiti. If we are allowed to use it as a test site for nuclear weapons everyone wins.

  1. America gets to test weapons it wouldn’t dream of testing on it’s own soil.
  2. Wyclef gets rich.
  3. The radiation makes super-sized worms and the Haitian people have more to eat.

If anything Michelle Rodriguez should be made the president of Haiti. She’s got my vote! She recently hosted some event for a Haitian charity or something. I don’t know what it was for… nor do I care. She is way more qualified to run for office. Just look at her.

Ohhhh My God. HOT.


2 Responses to “Wyclef wouldn’t be a real president… but Haiti isn’t a real country.”

  1. I’ve been to Haiti (was there when the earthquake happened), and I find this blog really depressing. You’re a pretty heartless person, although I suspect your comments are born of being ignorant and out-of-touch. Haiti is filled with human beings that are as valuable as you, and sitting around mocking them because you’re privileged enough to have a good life (and computer and an internet connection) is pretty pathetic. The average Haitian would probably forgive you, though, because they have much bigger hearts that you seem to.


  2. Hey I’m not saying that Haitians are terrible people. I’m just saying that they don’t really count. Valuable as me? My life insurance policy would say otherwise. Thanks for reading :)


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