Humility Is For The Chic

This entry was posted on Oct 27 2010

“The only thing LOST is the audience.”

I've fallen in love with all of them...except that slut, Kate.

That was a line I wrote months ago when I detested the program LOST. It had seemed to me that this show would just pull ideas out from a hat, most of which made no sense, and thrust them in story lines with no intention of explaining of them. And when my good Jewish friend (Ryan) informed me he was writing a LOST series review and wanted someone who had never seen the show to write one that would contrast his, it seemed, (dare I say?) destiny. I began my LOST hate article, peppering it with my trademark cunning and wit, but needed more information. I’d literally only seen commercials and heard the irrational hype from friends. I went online and browsed the internet for pieces of information which could lead to more disparaging jokes. When the article was finished, I raised a glass of champagne (to myself), and slept soundly…or, at least I thought I would. Something wasn’t right. I had these lingering urges to…to know more. All the characters I had briefly read about seemed so interesting, so intriguing. They all appeared to have tremendous baggage and the character development sounded like it was superb. Now, you must have noticed by now that I sound humbled. That’s because I am, for this is my first ever “retraction”. I’ve never admitted to being wrong before and it surely will never happen again (this has got to be an aberration). Don’t believe me? Calm down, I realize you all look up to me for guidance, but even the greatest man alive can make a mistake (only once every ten thousand years). And if you need proof of where I once stood with this show, read this…

Here was my breakthrough at the end of the series finale; even before everyone was lost on the island, they were lost in life. It was right in front of me! Over the last few months I’ve watched all six seasons consistently and have fallen in love. During the two hour finale I think I teared up five or six times, and as the last ten minutes concluded, forget about it, man. The floodgates were open. And I don’t know what anybody’s problem with the ending could have been? It was just different enough to not be cliche or predictable, but wasn’t so crazy that it didn’t fit with the theme and progression of the show prior to the finale. There’s only one thing that a series finale for a widely popular television show needs: closure. It’s not a movie, it doesn’t need some M. Night twist. Over the years you become to truly care about the characters. You don’t want some crazy surprise at the end, you want resolution. The LOST finale gave you that resolution. I accepted these characters as my friends and family! I felt betrayed when Kate hooked up with Sawyer while Jack was killing himself trying to save everyone! I was relieved like never before when Jin and Sun were reunited (for like the tenth time)! I was confused about how selfless and beautiful a person Hurley was! “Are people really that nice?”, I wondered. Answer: No, only on television.

Guess: Is this the hand I clutched the iTouch in, or my masturbation hand?

Days before watching the last episode I was stressing myself out because I didn’t know what i would do after the show ended. Come back to reality and go about my daily routine? (vomits) I can’t, never again. I figured maybe I could watch a new show? (scoffs) Come on, nothing will be as good as LOST! Television may be forever ruined for me and it’s all J.J. Abrams fault! How dare you produce such a captivating program! Why couldn’t you have made a show that equaled the shit-storm that was Cloverfield? I might as well throw anyway my television and kill myself!

Back to what really matters – how great was Ben Linus? One of the best villains I’ve ever had the pleasure of watching! Completely manipulative, followed by ruthless, then gets checked back to reality, then starts to redeem himself, only to all of a sudden murder like ten people, and by the end you love him again! You people don’t understand; this show became an obsession. I was watching them on the train everyday on my friends iTouch and when I’d run out of episodes I would relay the device to his girlfriend, who’d give it to him, and then I’d hound him daily, relentlessly, until he returned it. I needed the fix. Quitting LOST would have been ten times worse than trying to shake heroin. The withdrawal was brutal. I’d wake up in the middle of the night in a pool of sweat and screaming, “What’s up with this island?!”. I was a fiend!

During most of the show, I kept rushing into the bathroom to watch LOST re-runs!

In all honesty, this was one of the best shows I’ve ever watched. It’s difficult to make a statement like that when dealing with a show that was so successful and popular, because most people may not take you too seriously. LOST became a mainstream sensation and it’s hard for most people to consider something like that to have depth and be more than the surface portrayed it. Throughout the entire six seasons the themes were subtly drilled into your mind. “Letting go” and “moving on” were the most important aspects for just about every single character and it all progressed toward that finale. The contrast of ideologies were profound. Science vs Faith. Fate vs Coincidence. The question of whether the events presented to each character were destiny, or better yet, whether destiny even existed?It was all literally brilliant.

When I was born, the doctors had to remove all the humility from my body. They said if they left even an ounce of humility in my frail, fetal body…I wouldn’t live past 98. Looking back, it seems like it may have been a superfluous procedure, but Momma said she “wouldn’t raise no humble bitch”. Yet, here I am, admitting to the world that I was wrong in my judgement of LOST. She would be so disappointed…on the other hand, I make humility look DAMN good. If you have the time, I highly recommend this series (every episode is on ABC’s website). As for me, I’m going to try and regroup and move on. Maybe…find a new show to watch. I’m not going to return this iTouch…

Even Ben Linus was BLOWN away by this show! Get it?

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