Invest in Nuclear Powered Daycare!

This entry was posted on Mar 22 2011

Hey, do you want a million dollars? Of course the answer is yes. Everyone wants a million dollars. Do you know how much stuff you can buy with a million dollars? Remember in the movie “Blank Check” that 13 year old kid illegally forges a check? He fills it in for 1 million dollars, cashes it in, and is living the life. He bought a castle, hired a personal driver/fat friend, starts dating a beautiful 30 year old woman, and bought every toy featured in a nickelodeon commercial over the past five years. That is based off a true story and that could be you living the life you always dreamed of.  Except the opportunity I’m going to offer you today is actually legal. What they didn’t show you in the movie was what actually happened in real life. That woman he was bangin stole all his money (because all women are whores) and fucked his limo driver/friend in front of him. The kid was arrested, tried, and sentenced as an adult for stealing that money and is still rotting in federal prison as we speak. He got roomed with Big Gay Lamar and is now his bitch. Big Gay Lamar is the meanest and gayest convicted murder in cell block C and he mercilessly beats that kid until his body is nice and soft. The kid’s only joy in life is his terrible cigarette addiction and Big Gay Lamar only allows him this pleasure after he receives his morning and evening rim jobs.

Now Big Gay Lamar is the one with the "blank check" and he cashes it in every day... inside that kid's ass.

The point is… don’t forge checks. If you want a million dollars just invest with me. I’ve got a fool-proof plan to make millions. If this earthquake/tsunami in Japan has taught us anything it’s that nuclear power is simple and completely safe. There isn’t much that can go wrong. It withstood a huge earthquake and a huge tsunami and it’s still standing and fully functional like nothing ever happened. At certain points during the last week they actually sent all the nuclear engineers home and said take a couple days off, paid vacation. There was so little to do. So I got to thinking.

INTRODUCING: RadioACTIVE! Playtime Nuclear Fission Facility… the next generation of nuclear power plant/day care centers. Since the nuclear engineers have so little to do besides take readings every couple hours… instead of paying them to sit on their rumps and jerk off, lets have them also be the primary caretakers for children ages 2-7! Now I know what you are thinking. Your initial concern is what do these nuclear engineers know about babysitting small children? Nothing. That’s why we won’t hire nuclear engineers. We’ll hire babysitters who will serve as nuclear engineers on the side. We’ll have them take some 10 hour nuclear fission safety class or whatever we can find cheep on the internet and then they’ll be ready to start multi-tasking! This is also an effective human resources strategy because that means we don’t have to pay for college degrees or master’s degrees. We can pay these babysitters just above what The Home Depot pays their cashiers to ensure we get the cream of the crop. For between $11 and $14 dollars per hour we will get the best America’s high school drop out talent pool has to offer.

LOW EXPENSES, ALL PROFIT: The great thing about Nuclear Power Plants are that there are so many places to cut corners and save money! First of all if we buy less expensive black market knock off equipment we can save on start-up costs right off the bat. There will be no security either, we will steal a “This house is protected by The Sloman Shield” lawn sign and stick it on our lawn. That will let potential burglars/terrorists know we mean business. We will save money by not drug testing our employees. Instead we will go with a much more cost effective way of insuring our employees are staying clean and honest. The honor system. We aren’t the moral police and this ain’t church. We reserve the right to withhold the offending employees last check if they overdose during their shift. We will also get massive tax breaks if we hire convicted sex offenders straight out of prison so of course they will be in charge of watching over the children because who better to keep track of supple little children better than those guys?

Another key benefit to having these Nuclear Power Plants double as Day Care Facilities is that we will also be receiving free labor. Starting at the age of two we will enter these children into a our junior nuclear engineer program where we will teach these children the basics of nuclear engineering and by the time they are 5 years old they will be performing routine patience on the core and the reactors. #1 since they aren’t officially employees we won’t have to pay them a wage or offer them medical insurance and #2 this will keep us from having to pay professionals to do the more dangerous work.

One of our most accomplished "Junior Engineers" in our state of the art playpen.

COMMUNITY OUTREACH: These communities will love us. Not only will we give tours of the facilities to the public but we will also turn it into a hostel and provide cheap housing for homeless drifters and run-away. The cores all gave plenty of room, a built in pool, and lots of heat.  The reason why purchasing a RadioACTIVE! Playtime Nuclear Fission Facility franchise will be a much lower risk investment than lets just say a “Subway” for instance is that there is so much less that can go wrong. If you own a subway and you serve someone a bad sandwich they can get food poisoning and die. The family can sue you and BAM! You’re bankrupt and a loser. But worst case scenario if you own one of our franchises is the reactors melt down. And the worst that can happen in that scenario  is some radiation gets released and some of the local animals start growing a little larger than normal. Now the neighborhood flower gardens are all blooming and you turned your local community into a paradise. The people are growing delicious and huge vegetables in their backyard gardens saving them money at the grocery store, their children are growing up to be big and strong and earn scholarships for football thanks to the irradiated water, and everyone has a great lawn. See? The neighborhood now loves you. The worst case scenario is really a great thing. Now the only other thing I could see you being worried about is some of the children being raped by the violent sex offenders we hire. And lets face it they the’re gonna rape the kids. Although we will make them all sign contracts that say they promise not to rape any children while they are on the clock, we know better. But hey we want that tax break. So when the children go home with strange marks on their bodies and stories for their parents we will just tell them that they are experiencing normal side effects from the radiation emitted into the playpens and a caretaker happened to have left Lifetime on the television set. That will legally cover us and the stupid and neglectful parents will buy those explanations… and a new car with the $30,000 dollar customer appreciation check you write them.

EVEN MORE PROFITS: There is a ton of room for expansion with this franchise. After months of having these violent convicted sex offenders watching/raping the children we will inform them that we will have to lay them off, because “business is slow.” Of course they will do anything to continue to have access to this pool of fresh young meat so we will begin a subscription service where they actually pay us to allow them the right to do their jobs… and “reap the benefits” of said job. BAM! More profit.

The money just keeps rolling in. I will be taking this detailed business plan to my local bank for a small business loan. Soon after the first RadioACTIVE! Playtime Nuclear Fission Facility is opened I will begin looking for investors for franchise opportunities. We will not rest until there is a franchise in every neighborhood in America. So save up your pennies and get ready to make some money!!

2 Responses to “Invest in Nuclear Powered Daycare!”

  1. This sounds full proof. Im in.

  2. I like big gay Lamar. He sounds like he knows what he is doing but still has the passion of new relationship. thats hard to find

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