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Happy New Year From DeadAirFM!

This entry was posted on Jan 01 2012

Happy New Year to all you miserable bastards who celebrate it! It’s 2012 and this is the year you’re going to turn it all around! All your dreams are going to come true! You’re going to find true love! You’re going to get that big promotion! Your amateur bowling team is going to bring home that trophy! Your ex-wife is going to come to her senses and drop the alimony payments and grant you custody! Your horrible in-laws are going to die! The gout on your big toe is going to go away! That girl you got pregnant last night is going to opt for the morning after pill! That guy you blew last night and swallowed his load, well his AIDS test came back negative! You’re going to find all kinds of great bargains at your favorite retail clothing store! Hank Steinbrenner is going to pass away of a fatal moose raping! And all the sentences that pour out of your mouth will be followed by exclamation points!

Yeah… Wouldn’t those things just be the tits? Listen, you’re probably all going to have the worst years of your goddamn lives. And no, it’s not because of the Mayan-end-of-the-world thing, it’s just because you’re all terrible people and deserve the worst. But keep smiling! If it makes you feel any better, our lives here at DeadAirFM keep getting better and better! Yep, there’s no stopping this gravy train! The gravy comes in thick, hot waves and doesn’t stop washing it’s beautiful presence all over our eager, wanting faces and mouths… Wait, this metaphor is starting to sound really gay… Whatever, Happy New Year my sloppy little babies!

At least we can try and hope OUR new year isn't as bad as Dick Clark looks... Why do they keep dragging him out this late and propping him up against Seacrest?

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