**** Disclaimer for all the idiots out there: Most of (if not all) our articles are pure fiction or opinion and completely untrue. That being said the following article is totally true. Nothing has been made up and I haven’t altered the emails sent to us in anyway. My opinions of Danny Tamberelli’s manager are just that. My opinions (But I know I’m right).
You work so hard for certain things in life. You have dreams. You hope. You pour your blood, sweat, and semen into your passions and every once in a while you’re rewarded. That moment may be coming soon for me and Joe! That’s right folks… We’re this close to being sued by a celebrity!… Maybe. I don’t want to get my hopes up.
As you would expect we get a lot of E-mules (Cyber donkey’s that deliver digital mail all over the world) from all sorts of crazy people ranting and raving about our articles, begging us to marry them, pleading with us to impregnate them, demanding that we actualize their rape fantasies! Most of the time we do our best to satisfy the needs of our readers… especially when it involves rape fantasies.
So recently we’ve been receiving emails from some woman claiming to be Danny Tamberelli’s manager. In her emails she threatened to contact her attorney’s (which I take as threatening to sue) if we don’t immediately remove our smash hit Danny Tamberelli article! Danny Tamberelli: The Star that rose too high. She is claiming that the article is totally untrue and that she is going to sue us for defamation. At first I was convinced it was bullshit and just another crazy bitch… but she’s persistent so I took a closer look. These were her first two E-mules:
So after checking out her shitty website it turns out there is in fact a Noble Talent Management Agency and there seems to be an Elieen DeNobile at least according to said website. So I went forward assuming that there was a possibility that this was a real person who did indeed represent Danny Tamberelli. If she could prove to us that she was indeed representing Danny then I offered her two options: #1 We’d remove the article If Danny gave us an email interview (a very fair offer) or #2 If she sent us a professional cease and desist letter written and signed by a practicing attorney. We’re reasonable people If Danny Tamberelli doesn’t want that stuff up we would have been glad to work with him on that. Hell we would have even offered to take him out to lunch.
But the truth of the matter is we don’t even know if this bitch really represents Danny. Her shitty homemade website claims she does… but clearly anyone can create a website and make up anything they’d like. So I thought the two options I offered her were fair. If Danny gave us the interview through his facebook or they would have been professional enough to write a real cease and desist letter, then we would have known this was legit. But instead when I replied in a very polite and professional manner this was what I got back:
Wow, what a bitch right? So I contacted Ryan, DeadAirFM.com’s official attorney and this what he had to say verbatim, “Legally speaking? Tell the cunt to go fuck herself.” So that’s pretty much what we’re going to do and let me break down why:
#1 Just because she created some shitty $10 website and wrote on it that she represents Danny Tamberelli doesn’t mean that she actually does. Our website is all the proof the world needs that anyone can make up anything on the internet. So no you dumb bitch I’m not just going to take your word for it.
#2 Who the fuck does she think she is? I can just see her sitting at her computer in a pile of her own shit screaming “Do they not know who I am? Do they not know who Elieen DeNobile is?!!!” Yea… we don’t know who you are. You aren’t exactly a titan in the entertainment industry. These are some of the other clients she claims to represent: Jackson Harris, Val Emmich, Samantha Futerman, Dione Figgins… I’m not even going to bother typing anymore of these names. I don’t know who any of these people are and neither do you. I guess that’s how good a manager she is. There were two names (besides Danny) I did happen to recognize on that list: John D’Leo and Christina Ricci. First off I have no freaking clue who John D’Leo is and nor do I care. I’m sure he is a hack, all I know is that I’ve heard the name maybe once before? And if she really does represent Christina Ricci, then that might make sense… Because someone must have told her that it was a good idea to star in Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star… Hey I’m a huge Nick Swardson and Happy Madison fan and I didn’t even like that movie… This is this woman’s supposed resume and now I can see why. She can’t even craft a polite and professional email.
#3 The article in question was fiction and comedy and never claimed to be anything else. Only a moron would visit this site and believe anything they read here. The article opens with this: “I can make any girl squirt and that’s just a god damn fact.” – Danny Tamberelli in an October, 2003 interview with Teen Nick Magazine. Yea that’s believable… Teen Nick would print that.
#4 There was no intent to harm Danny’s reputation, nor were we acting irresponsibly. He is a celebrity and celebrities get written about. We write comedy pieces that are specifically written so that they are not going to be taken seriously. We are writing comedy and nothing else.
#5 Danny Tamberelli has no damages. We didn’t hurt his career. It’s not our fault people are google searching “Danny Tamberelli Drugs.” We’re not the reason he can’t find anymore work. James Cameron wasn’t thinking about casting him as the lead in Avatar until he read our article. But I did hear that Christopher Nolan had decided to dump Christian Bale and cast Danny as the new out of shape and type two diabetic Batman in The Dark Knight before he read our piece. So I guess we owe him for that. I just did a google search on Danny Tamberelli and this is what came up:
If he were to take us to court and he did happen to win (fat chance), he would be entitled to a sandwich and he’d have to keep it under $7 dollars. That would be his level of damages.
#6 This site makes no money! We have never made money from this site and never will. Personally, Joe and I have no money. They can sue us all they like and waste all the money they want but we’re judgement proof. They would never collect a dime from us.
Listen folks, this website is comedy… most of the stuff (except the content in this article) is entirely fiction and completely made up. I know I don’t have to tell you that, because most of you aren’t fucking idiots. Some of it or all of it you might not find funny and might find offensive, but that’s your problem not ours. The truth of the matter is that Joe and I are two extremely reasonable guys. If they had contacted us in a polite and professional manner and had put ego aside, the article that offended them so terribly would be down already. Instead they assumed we were idiots and tried to bully us and now they can go fuck themselves. I still have my doubt as to whether the person emailing us isn’t just a total nut job anyway, because I have a hard time believing Danny Tamberelli is googling himself and getting worked up over poorly written articles on low traffic websites.
Danny, if you’re reading this I’d just like to say your manager is doing a horrible job of representing you (at least in this case) and now because of her reckless actions you’ve got another article up about you. Maybe you should remind her that she isn’t Ari Gold and this isn’t Entourage (By the way the final season was one of the worst seasons of a television show I’ve ever seen. It was the very definition of “mailing it in”). If you truly want the first article taken down then you can contact us in a polite and professional way and we’d still do our best to work with you. Smooches.