John Lennon: A Real Piece of Shit

This entry was posted on May 13 2012

Listen up you slugs! DeadAirFM hasn’t been doing enough advocacy lately so we’ve decided to take up a cause and make the world a better place. We started a petition to have December 8th become a national holiday celebrating a true American hero: Mark David Chapman! The man who slayed the beast! Everyone knows that John Lennon was one of the most vile human beings to ever walk this planet. I’m not even going to get into why The Beatles were horrible and people who enjoy their shitty music are morons. Joe already did that in his previous article: I’m not here to repeat what he has already said. There is no need. He summed it up perfectly. I’m here to explain a few things to you jerks who are demanding more “facts” in our articles and less opinions.

The Truth-O-Meter says everything in this article is true!

You want facts? Well shove these facts up your ass!
  1. John Lennon was responsible for Holocaust: Well maybe Hitler was mostly responsible for the Holocaust, but everyone knows that John Lennon was his right hand man. Most textbooks teach young students that many Jews and Gypsies were gassed to death in concentration camps. Not factual. Their collective fates were actually much worse. They were Beatled to death! In 1939 Hitler commissioned John Lennon and The Beatles to write music so horrible and so boring that it could kill a person. Well the Beatles did just that and for many years millions of poor souls were tortured to death in concentration camps all over Eastern Europe by being forced to listen to Beatles songs until their brains melted (that usually took less than 20 minutes). Lennon and Beatles were known for putting on live concerts at Auschwitz five days a week for the entire duration of the holocaust. Prisoners were forced to attend AND buy overpriced merchandise. Thankfully in Texas they are outlawing traditional textbooks (they call them Confusing Learning Paper Packs) used all over the world and replacing them with coloring books that will teach their high school students the truth about these atrocities.
  2. John Lennon invented the word “Nigger”. He was a known racist who owned fifteen slaves. When Thomas Jefferson was writing his first draft of the Declaration of Independence it originally read “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal (even blackys).” Lennon who was Jefferson’s best friend and lover, was proof reading the draft and changed it behind his back. African American’s could have had equal rights hundreds of years earlier if not for Lennon. One night Lennon was playing a very competitive game of Scrabble with Noah Webster (Creator of Webster’s Dictionary) when he cheated and made up a now infamous word: “Nigger”. He convinced Webster that it was indeed a real word, won the game… and the rest is history. If Lennon was alive today he would have given The Help a 1.5/5 stars on Rotten Tomatoes. I’m not even going to get into how he was the person who murdered Tupac but take my word for it… Tupac’s sophomore album “Strictly 4 My N.I.G.G.A.Z.” was not in his Itunes library.
  3. John Lennon also went by another alias: The Chupacabra. As a young boy growing up in Mexico he used to paint himself reptile green and sneak in to nursing homes. He would then rape all the elderly female patients during the night. By the time the attendants would check in on the women the next morning they would all be pregnant with his devil seed and require the cheapest abortions that Mexican nursing homes could buy. Video and DNA evidence have confirmed that it was indeed Lennon and he was #4 on Mexico City’s most wanted list. That’s probably why The Beatles never toured Mexico. As a teen he spent a few well chronicled years in Puerto Rico draining cows of blood and mutilating herds of sheep. What else is there to say except… classic Lennon. After Lennon’s death there has not been a single Chupacabra sighting. Need more proof than that? Well ya can’t have it!

Puberty hit Lennon very hard.

Those were probably some of the worst things he’s done in his life besides engineering HIV in his basement in the 70’s, assassinating JFK, Executive Producing the final season of Entourage, flying both planes into the Twin Towers on 9/11, ruining the ending of The Six Sense for all his friends, “discovering” Justin Bieber, murdering little JonBenet Ramsey, causing Mount Vesuvius to erupt, and always forgetting to turn off his cell phone in movie theaters. He was just a real asshole and that’s why most people are glad he’s dead and burning in hell getting a bowling pin shoved up his ass by a wolf demon. You wanted facts? Well there you go! Don’t believe me? Go to your local library, take out any book about Lennon and you’ll read about all these things. Listen, you can’t make stuff like this up.

I’ve started a petition to make 12/8/1980 a national holiday because it is the day that Mark David Chapman secured his place in Heaven by shooting John Lennon in the back! Sign this petition and lets celebrate an American Bad Ass!

3 Responses to “John Lennon: A Real Piece of Shit”

  1. In all seriousness the real Lennon was much worse than a ‘chupacabra’. A horrible human being, it’s a stretch even calling him human. He was a wife beater, deserted his own child, and encouraged tens of millions of kids to do drugs. Can only wonder how many died because of his drug propaganda. Good riddance to bad rubbish, say I.

    Just be glad that he’s gone.

  2. He also paid for the legal defense of a black power activist who dragged a (silly white liberal who had joined his cause) woman into a shallow grave and then hacked her to death with a machete. Ends justify the means and all. Fuck him! Imagine a world with no self important douchebags, it’s easy if you try.

  3. Lets face the cold hard truth here: Mark David Chapman has BAD BODY ODOR! Lennon only died cos MDC got close enough to blast him with his pits. A final fart from MDC’s asshole finished the job. I’m personally campaigning for MDC’s release so his body can be used in chemical warfare for the defense of our nation.

Post a Comment